The Heart Disease of Doom
by L.V.Owl
Summary: New to the country, Mai is searching for all things interesting. She ends up under the Membrane wing but finds herself drifting towards a strange boy- one whose home is even farther than her own. Determined, she intends to crack his hard green shell.
1. Chapter 1

**The Heart Disease of Doom**

Chapter One: Lost in Translation

It was a seemingly ordinary morning. The September sun was out but didn't shine too brightly and the air was just starting to hold a coldness but it was not yet uncomfortable. The leaves on the trees had lost their green pigment and had begun to fall from their branches to the hardened earth. From the classrooms, the students looked on in quiet longing to be among nature, frolicking with the squirrels and playing their senseless but enjoyable games, instead of being locked in the prison that was Skool.

The shrill bell rang out, signaling the start of classes. Students scurried into their respective classrooms, hoping to avoid punishment.

"Take your seats now or face a life of pain and misery in the depths of the Skool's boiler room!" Ms. Bitters threatened, "That means YOU, Dib! You can glare at Zim from your desk!"

Reluctantly, the large-headed boy took his seat but continued to glare at the green-skinned boy known as Zim. _Look at him! _Dib thought to himself, _He's just sitting there trying to look all innocent and they're all eating it up! How am I the only one to see him for what he so blatantly is!_?

"AN ALIEN!"

"Dib! One more outburst and I'll send you to the Underground classes!" Ms. Bitters growled.

Dib remained silent but shot Zim a dark look to which he narrowed his eyes.

"Like I was saying," Ms. Bitters scowled, "It is my utter displeasure to announce that the Skool has allowed yet another walking cretin of imminent doom into my class- a foreign miscreant from Japan. _I'm sure_ you'll make her feel welcome."

Their teacher snapped her fingers and the door opened, revealing a girl, that was indeed foreign, her fist raised, ready to knock. She froze, blinked once, and then stepped inside. The girl bowed to the impossibly tall shadowy teacher.

"You _do_ speak English, don't you?" the Bitter one asked.

The girl looked up at her and hesitated. She cracked a nervous smile and nodded.

"Fine. State your name and any last words."

The girl bit her lip, staring out into the sea of eyes. The class collectively looked at her as though she were at a freak show. Aside from her obvious foreignness, she didn't look any weirder than they. She had long dark hair that hung down her back and brown eyes framed in spidery eyelashes. She wore a blue dress with striped sleeves, black leggings and pointed black shoes. The only thing _somewhat_ odd about her appearance was the pair of white cat ears perched on her head.

Taking a deep breath, she opened her mouth but to her horror, nothing came out. _You look like a fool! Say something! Anything!_ "Uh… I… eh. Watashi wa Nakamura Mai desu! Sorry! I mean, Mai! M-my name is Mai, like your first person possessive word, 'my', only spelled M-A-I!" She cringed at how idiotic she sounded. "Gomen-nasai…"

Mai hung her head, embarrassed.

"To spare this horribly foreign girl any more humiliation, even though more is sure to follow, which one of you will forfeit your seat?"

The class stared back horrified, remembering what had happened to their previous classmates.

"You." Ms. Bitters suddenly pointed to a purple haired girl. "Zita! So uncharacteristically kind of you to volunteer..."

"Wha- No!"

In an instant, a gaping hole opened under the girl's desk and she fell screaming into the darkness. As quick as it enveloped her, the hole closed up, leaving the now empty desk for Mai.

"Sit down and don't say another word!" Ms. Bitters barked.

Terrified, Mai bowed quickly and practically ran to her seat. She stared at her desk as the teacher began their lesson. From what she could gather, they were learning about torture devices and mental anguish. _What kind of school is this? _

Feeling eyes on her, she slowly looked up. Only a few people were starring at her, mostly inquisitive glances but by the looks on their faces, she doubted they were intelligent or even respectful questions on their minds. _Am I being too judgmental, too quick? _ One gaze caught her attention. A young boy on the other side of the room with dark hair, round glasses and… an abnormally large head was giving the most intense glare she had ever seen. Fortunately, it was not aimed at her. But at the person in front of her. Mai looked at the back of the boy's head and tilted her head to the side.

"Nyah?" she whispered to herself in a cat-like meow.

She would have first noticed his outdated hairstyle had it not been for the back of his neck. It was green. Having come from Japan, she was used to all sorts of wacky people dressing up, even she did. But... This didn't look like green paint or dye, even the expensive scrub-your-skin-off-to-make-it-fade kind. It was flawless. It was_ real_. Her mouth formed a silent 'O' as she stared, fascinated at his skin. _Is that even possible?_ And then, when she felt perplexed to the point of incredulity, she realized he didn't have any ears.

The boy suddenly turned around to glare at her and her jaw dropped. "Enough gawking! Zim is tired of your _foreign_ eyes on his being! You do not have _permission_ to look upon the ALMIGHTY ZIM!"

She stared at him openly, she couldn't help it. "Nani ka! No nose…"

His glare intensified. "I don't _need_ a nose to smell your PUTRID STENCH, foreign stink-thing!"

"Stench?" she blinked. _A strong scent… uh my perfume? Does he mean to compliment me? But… why so angrily then?_

Ms. Bitters glared and seemed to stretch across the room so that she was in Mai's face. "Is there something you wish to share? _In English_." she leered.

Mai shook her head quickly.

The bell rang, indicating lunch and Ms. Bitters quickly retracting to her position in front of her desk as if nothing happened. The students jumped up and rushed out the door, Mai quickly following behind, not wanting to be left with her scary teacher.

The cafeteria was just as daunting. She nervously moved in line, holding her food tray, wondering where she would sit. The lunch lady slapped a mound of goo onto her plate and looked at her expectantly.

"Um… w-what food here?" she asked.

The beastly woman grunted and Mai quickly ran off. She sighed, looking out into the tables. _Everyone in groups… that hasn't changed. _Walking slowly, she scanned for anyone that seemed somewhat friendly. She didn't want to sit by herself unless she had to. She spotted the green boy talking to, well arguing with, the one that had been glaring at him. Her eyes fell on a girl playing a GameSlave. Mai smiled and went over to her table.

"You like GameSlave? " she asked the younger girl.

There was no reply. The purple-haired girl was obviously into her game. "I do as well." She continued. "May I sit?"

She waited patiently, and somewhat nervously, for the girl to clear the game level. With a few satisfying beeps and the sound of an explosion, the girl looked up from her game. "Whatever."

Mai smiled and gratefully sat across from her. "My father help build for GameSlave company. We come here to open new building."

She looked slightly intrigued. "Do you have any new games?"

Mai nodded. "Hai. Eh… he work on new type of console, not handheld." She pointed to her head. "Wires in helmet send brain signal and tell game player what to do. It's not ready for market but we have prototype. Would you like to see?"

The girl's eyes widened slightly then returned to normal. "Sure."

Mai beamed. "My name is Mai."

"Gaz."

"Nice to meet you, Gaz."

Mai breathed a sigh of relief. She finally, kind of, made of friend, or at least not an enemy. Too bad, she wasn't in her class. Gaz went back to playing her game while Mai poked at her food with a fork. "Is this… a traditional dish?"

"No." Gaz replied after a moment.

"Hm."

"GAH! I CANT BELIEVE THAT, THAT, ALIEN!"

The boy with glasses sat beside Gaz and continued ranting as if she were listening. "Does he really think that I'll just stand back and watch him destroy Earth! He's crazy! If no one else will help then I'll have to defend Earth single handedly!"

"Stop talking."

"I may be persecuted! I may be mocked! I MAY BE CALLED INSANE!"

"I mean it, Dib…." Gaz growled.

"BUT I WILL NOT GIVE UP! AHH!"

Mai's tray of food was suddenly thrown at the boy by an irritated Gaz. He groaned and picked himself up, ignoring the cackling laughter coming from his arch enemy. He wiped away the "food" and fixed his glasses. He sat down, finally seeing Mai sitting across the table.

He blinked. "Oh, hi."

"Hi."

"Uh… I'm Dib." He said scratching the back of his head. "You're from Japan, right?"

She nodded.

"Tell me. Have you seen any kappas? You know, the man-eating water monsters. I hear there's a lot of them."

"Kappa sprites?" she tilted her head to the side. "You believe in them?"

"Well…. Don't you?"

"I never seen one."

"That doesn't mean they don't exist. If everything was right in front of your face, there wouldn't any mysteries in the world!"

She nodded slowly. "Nyah. Yes. That is accurate."

"Not entirely…" Dib grumbled.

"What you mean?"

"That kid." he looked over his shoulder. "Zim…"

"Midori… green, huh?"

"You noticed he was weird, right?" he asked, almost pleadingly. "I saw how you looked at him in class. You MUST be able to tell he doesn't belong here!"

Uncertain on how to answer, Mai looked to Gaz for help. However, she seemed oblivious to their conversation completely.

"C'mon, Mai! GREEN SKIN, NO EARS OR NOSE! WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE TO YOU?"

"Uh…. Kappa?"

"A- what? No! Don't you see? ZIM'S AN ALIEN!"

The word clicked into placed and she gasped, looking over at the green-skinned boy who was scratching his head.

"An alien…. You mean?"

Dib grinned. "Yes! You don't know how happy I am that you believe me!"

Mai put a finger to her mouth in thought. "I guess it can be believed."

"Exactly! Its so OBVIOUS!"

"It is not uncommon too. There are good number of aliens in all countries."

Dib donned a serious expression. "What? There are?"

She nodded. "Yes, I almost become one."

His face dropped. "Okay…. You lost me."

Mai laughed, "I almost forget passport like Zim."

* * *

AN: First Zim fanfic! PLEASE let me know if someone is out of character! I know it's the first chapter but please review, I'll get out the next ASAP! (assuming you even liked this…) Oh and Mai's thoughts are in "Japanese" so that's why they aren't in broken English. Excuse any unintentional typos, ITS 4 IN THE MORNING! AHHH!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: 2Player Mode

Dib sighed in frustration as he walked down the pavement behind his sister and Mai. The language barrier was a bit of a problem but he wouldn't give up! There HAD to be some way to make her understand. She was the one person in this town that didn't think he was crazy! Or rather, she had not been around long enough to realize it for herself… He could prove it though! He could _prove_ Zim was an alien!

"Stop following us, Dib." Gaz growled without looking back.

He seemed to ignore her and caught up to them. "So, Mai, you _have_ heard of extra-terrestrials, right?"

She stared at him blankly.

"You know, beings from another world? Another planet?"

"Oh." She said slowly, "You mean space people?"

"Exactly! Well, not astronauts, if that's what you thought I meant, just... CREATURES FROM SPACE!"

"Like Mr. Spock!"

"Right! Only EVIL!"

Mai looked confused for a moment. "You think school mate, Zim is from other world?"

"Yes! Isn't it obvious?"

"Just because he look different?"

"Ye- well, no. Not entirely, I mean _of course_ that has something to do with it! He's _green_, for goodness sake!"

"Student tell me he have skin illness. No cure. Does not make him monster. Many people have… mutation of body. Some born with no arm or four arm. Some born with no nose or ears. Sometimes even tail."

Dib sighed. "But I've _seen_ him doing… EVIL THINGS! He even admitted to being an alien and trying to take over Earth!"

She was thoughtful for a moment. "Do you have proof? "

"OF COURSE! I'll show you!"

He grabbed Mai's arm and took off in the other direction, towards his house. Gaz froze, realizing her chance at playing the new GameSlave was being ruined by her stupid brother. She gritted her teeth and yelled, "I Hate You DIB!"

Mai just barely kept from tripping as she raced to keep up with Dib's pace. They finally reached the Membrane house and Dib let go of Mai. He opened the door and rushed in. "C'mon, I'll show you!"

"Hold it right there, son."

A floating monitor zoomed in front of the stairs. On the screen was Dib's scientist father. "I cannot condone you kidnapping this girl. Your insanity will _surely_ scare her. She is obviously way out of your league, son, and therefore can press charges."

"What are you talking about? This is my friend-"

"Bah! Lying only gets you into more trouble!"

"No, really!"

"Dib." Gaz growled from the doorway. "Give her back. _We_ had plans."

Professor Membrane turned to his daughter. "Ah. She's Gaz's friend. That's _a bit_ more believable. In that case have fun and make sure your brother doesn't have any lawsuits filed!"

The screen clicked off and floated into the other room.

Dib groaned impatiently and ran up the stairs. "Right this way!"

"Dib... If you come between me and the GameSlave 3…" Gaz hissed, "I'll make your life a living hellish nightmare and then when you cant take it anymore, when you beg for death, I'll rip out your eyes and-"

"C'mon, Mai, the evidence awaits!" he dragged her up the stairs, leaving a silently fuming Gaz.

"This is my room." Dib said, entering his lair.

Mai's eyes widened slightly. "So much technology…" She leaned over his computer equipment, examining it closely.

"Ok, here!" Dib held out a large folder, crammed with papers.

Mai opened it carefully. Inside were hundreds of photos of Zim, only his eyes were red and he didn't have hair. In many of the pictures, there was a curious looking green puppy. "Well… they look very real but…"

"_But_? NO! You can't be serious!"

"I want to trust but. It is easy to make fake pictures realistic. Simple software can be used and you are smart so easier for you."

Dib sighed.

"Do you have video? It easier to see if false. I can tell. If you show me real, I will believe."

Dib rummaged through all of his files, tearing his room apart. "There _has_ to be something! Not _everything_ could have been destroyed!" He thought about the tapes he had sent to _Mysterious Mysteries_ and shook his head, bringing up that show would be disastrous. It made a laughing stock out of him!

Mai stood there awkwardly, feeling bad for him. She waited until he stopped looking and hung his head. "I don't think you lie just… I can't believe so quickly without proof."

Dib's face lit up. "Hold on! What if I SHOW you? If you actually see Zim doing EVIL ALIEN THINGS then you'd have proof!"

Mai seemed a bit skeptical but nodded, not wanting to dampen his spirits. "Hai. Okay. Show me alien. I will believe."

Dib punch the air, grinning excitedly. It was only a matter of time before Zim decided to put one of his EVIL PLANS into action!

"Let's go spy on him right now!"

Dib suddenly screamed, a blue stream of electricity running through his body. He collapsed on the ground at Gaz's feet. She was holding a taser which she carelessly tossed aside. "Are you ready to go?"

Mai smiled nervously. _She's a little scary… good thing I'm not on her bad side. _"Uh, yes. Will your brother be okay?"

She shrugged.

* * *

The two girls arrived at Mai's house after a fifteen minute walk. It looked very modern and clean but had a very flat layout.

"My father is not home or I would introduce. My room is in basement. Follow me."

Mai's room was very spacious and extremely colorful. Gaz had to remind herself of the GS3 to keep from setting fire to the place.

"Here is prototype." She said, pointing to a purple helmet with wires running all over.

Gaz immediately placed it on her head.

"There is multiplayer so we can be team or fight each other." Mai said grabbing another GS3 helmet and placing it on her head.

GAME START. SELECT: TWO PLAYER. BATTLE MODE. START!

The pair kept gaming for a good few hours, testing out all of the games and beating nearly each one. "What you think?" Mai asked as they took a break.

Gaz shrugged. "Its pretty cool."

"Here, I have for you something." Mai plopped on her bed and removed a Game Slave 2 from her pillow. She pulled out the cartridge and walked back over to Gaz.

Gaz took it from her and her eyes widened. "Vampire Piggy Hunter 3?"

"Pre-release. My father want me to try but I'm not good. Would you play for me and say how you like?"

Gaz returned to her cool indifferent demeanor. "Yeah, I guess."

Mai smiled.

* * *

Mai made sure she wasn't late for class the next day. The thought of what her demonic teacher would do sent a shiver down her spine. She reached Ms. Bitters class with little trouble, aside from having to avoid a pile of creeping clear slime on the staircase. It was before the bell and not many were in class. Actually there was only one person. Zim.

What Dib had said crept into her mind. _Could he really be…_ She shook her head. _Don't be silly, Mai._ She smiled and took her seat behind him.

"Ohayo gozaimasu."

Zim ignored her.

"Sorry. Habits hard to break. I mean to say, 'Good morning'."

"WHAT makes this morning so _good_?" Zim snapped, turning to leer at her. "ANY morning in which, I, ZIM, have to endure the presence of you _ffffilthy_ STINK-animals is a _horrible, TERRIBLE, NOT GOOD morning!_"

Mai stared at him, trying to process his words. "Could you… repeat please?"

Zim's glare turned into a blank look . "Huh Whaa- NO!" he yelled, glaring again. "Your _pathetic_ little brain meats cannot comprehend the _amazing_ words of ZIIIIM!"

"Please slow your talking. It hard to understand when you yelling."

"SILENCE!" Zim commanded. "There shall be no more talking to the almighty ZIM!"

He turned back around in his seat, satisfied.

"But…"

"SILENCE, MEAT-WORM!"

Mai sighed inwardly and mentally hit herself for not trying to learn English _before_ the flight from Japan. Almost nothing he said made sense... _Baka na…_

Today's lesson was very similar to the previous class's, very depressing and morbid. Ms. Bitters was comparing the internal torture of the soul of a suicide jumper to that of a serial killer. _Don't they teach math?_

Lunch wasnt nearly as intimidating as it had been yesterday. She took her seat with her two new friends. She was glad to see that Gaz was enjoying the Vampire Piggy Hunter 3. Mai had hoped the lunch food would be edible today but was sorely disappointed. "Is this normal for this country's food?"

"I don't even think it _is_ food." Dib said looking at his own bowl of green noodly paste.

Mai nodded, her stomach rumbling slightly. She couldn't help but look past Dib's shoulder, over at Zim, who again, was sitting alone. She felt bad for him, despite Dib's warnings. Zim was staring absently into space, a vacant expression on his face. She tilted her head to the side, curious as to what he was thinking (assuming he _was_ thinking).

"Nyah."

* * *

"Okay, now this might be dangerous but don't worry, I'll protect you. Just make sure you're ready to run. I don't know if you should stay if this gets ugly…and knowing ZIM, it should…"

Mai grinned. "Do not worry. I am like cat! Very stealthy."

Dib nodded seriously and hid behind a large bush. Mai followed suit and waited.

"He goes this way every day. We're ahead of him so he'll _have_ to pass us."

They waited in suspended silence for a few minutes. And then they caught sight of him. Mai's heart started beating faster, adrenaline coursing through her veins. At her old school, she had stalked-ahem- closely watched a few of her crushes as well as strangers, just for the excitement. It was a bit of a pastime of hers. She half wanted to tackle him as he passed- why? She didn't really know…

They watched as he disappeared around a corner and they sprang out, right on his tail. _Did he have a tail?_ Mai was actually ahead of Dib, the thrill of the hunt overcoming her. She paused as Zim entered a yard. She quickly ran to the perimeter and peeked through a hole in the fence. She watched as he unlocked his door and suspiciously looked around. As the door opened, his 'parents' exclaimed, 'Welcome home, son!'. Satisfied, he slammed the door shut.

"Robots… Now what?" she whispered.

"We can sneak around back. I know a fault in his security system. He's probably already taken off his disguise… we might not even have to go in. If we could look through the window…" Dib squinted trying to get a good look.

"You wish to see him undress?"

"What? NO! Of course not!" he shouted, horrified.

"Where is secret passage?"

"It's just around back. I've tunneled my way underground, and drilled a hole into his lab. The _idiot_ hasn't even noticed! Some superior al- hey! What are you doing?"

Mai was calmly walking up to his house, hands behind her back. Dib remained hidden as she knocked at the door. He bit his lip as he saw the gnomes swivel their heads to look at her.

She knocked again. "Housekeeping!"

The door swung open to reveal the robot parents again. They looked quite disturbing but Mai merely smiled. "Hallo. I am here to fix your toilettes."

"TOILETS?" the mother-bot screeched.

"Our waste removal system is fully operational. If you do not leave we will be forced to cause you bodily harm as it is our right." The father-bot warned, grinning.

"LEAVE OR FACE YOUR DEMISE!"

"DEMISE!"

She studied them a moment then bowed. "Domo arigato, Mistah and Misses Roboto."

With that, she left, eying the small but deadly lawn gnomes. She noticed a large, 'I love Earth' flag and saluted. Dib followed her until they were out of sight and jumped in front of her.

"Are you nuts! You could've been blown to bits! OR WORSE! The point was NOT to be seen!"

Mai smiled. "No parents is not so bad. But_ robot_ parents is _very_ suspicious. I had to see up close. No make or model code, must be self-made."

"Yeah, that's right. They might be pieces of scrap metal but they're still dangerous…"

"I look up how to reprogram. Send virus. Go to house again to see what's inside."

"ALL RIGHT! It's a plan!" Dib cheered. "Once you get the virus, let me know and we'll infect his base… Oh sweet revenge…"

"Okay. Sound like good plan."

"Great, I'll see you tomorrow in skool, Mai!"

"Sayonara, Dib-kun."

Mai walked home in a good mood. For some reason, she was excited to break into her classmate's home, despite knowing it was wrong. Zim seemed to be a rather angry person, or perhaps one who is always loud, or both. Although most of his outbursts were lost on her, she was under the impression that he wasn't very fond of her. Or anyone, for the matter.

After doing a bit of research in robotics, a familiar field of hers, she managed to come across a suitable virus- fast spreading, easy to detect, however, hard as hell to locate and dispose of. She created and customized the virus and burned the infected file onto a disc.

Mai giggled softly. "Nyaaaaah!" she purred, rocking back in her chair, "Knock, knock, Zim. Trick or treeeat."

* * *

AN: Feedback is always welcome and much appreciated! Let me know if you think someone is out of character- I DESPISE IT! I promise more Zim in next chapter. ^^


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: Down the Rabbit Hole

Mai ate her fish and rice dinner quietly, barely even tasting it. Her mind was in overdrive, always wandering back to that house. Zim's house. She was confident that the virus she created would disrupt his robot security. It wasn't a permanent forced malfunction, after the hidden source file was found, it couldn't be used again. No _real_ harm done.

Why she wanted to break into his house in the first place, she didn't know. It was just an urge. An uncontrollable urge that she was sure would make her do horribly unspeakable things if it was not met. Zim's robots were a challenge, as was his house (if it was as treacherous as Dib made it out to be) but she_ knew_ she was capable of outfoxing them- and she _had_ to. It was like a hacker's rush when they're on the brink of breaking into some restricted computer drive. Only Mai couldn't be content with sitting back and doing everything from her computer. That was only phase one. Despite her experience with technology and robotics, she preferred handling things on the personal level. It was more fun!

And fun was her goal completely. Well, aside from finding out if Dib's theory about Zim was right. It was a bit unethical to break into someone's house who was potentially innocent but it didn't seem to bother her much.

The phone rang, causing Mai to smile- she knew exactly who was on the other end and she wasn't even psychic! She hurried to the phone and put it to her ear.

"_Moshi moshi!"_

"_Konbanwa, Mai. I'm working late again. Sorry I am not with you."_

"_I understand. You are very busy, father."_

"_How do you like your new school?"_

"_Its… different."_

"_Hm. You will grow used to it."_

"_I suppose. I've already met some… interesting people."_

"_I am glad to hear that. Do you communicate well?"_

"_Eh… it's a little difficult but I am still practicing."_

"_Good, you're a clever girl. You'll be fluent in no time!"_

_Mai laughed, "Sure…"_

_Mr. Nakamura laughed with her. "Good night, Mai."_

"_Oyasumi-nasai, chichioya."_

She paused after hanging up. For a moment, she stood there debating whether or not to act. _SO DIFFICULT! MUST DECIDE! ITS NOW OR NEVER- well, more like tomorrow night…_

"IMA!" she shouted, throwing her hands in the air, and ran down into her room.

Mai tore threw her closet and pulled out what looked like a floppy white rabbit suit.

"Kigurumi pajamas hide identityyyy!" she sang merrily to herself.

She quickly changed and pulled the hood up, covering most of her face. Only her chin was visible, hardly enough to identify her. Mai grabbed the infected disc, along with a few other seemingly random items, and stuffed them into her pajamas. Content, she ran out the door, into the cool night air.

* * *

Mai stood staring at the house for a good few minutes. No lights shown through the windows and not a sound escaped its walls. She reached into her Kigurumi an extracted a small red ball. She drew her arm back and threw it at the front door. It hit with a loud TWACK and bounced backwards, stopping in the middle of the yard. For a moment nothing happened, then the four lawn gnomes swiveled to look at the trespassing item. And fired. Each shot a laser at the ball, leaving nothing more than burnt spot.

Slowly, Mai reached behind her back and pulled out a bucket. She grinned madly and hurled its contents into the yard. A hoard of multi-colored bouncy balls swarmed the gnomes, flying every which way. The gnomes began firing like mad, trying to destroy every last rounded bouncing enemy.

"Chaos…" Mai smiled, watching the scene she had created.

Now that the guards were preoccupied, she ran to the back of the house and hopped over the fence. With almost no trouble, she located the hole Dib had dug. She was a bit surprised at how it had gone undetected seeing as it was quite large and completely out in the open. She shrugged, standing over the hole.

"Can't be late! I would hate to be late for this date!" she said to herself and jumped in.

The tunnel was a good vertical drop that leveled out at some point. Mai crawled for about ten minutes before reaching an incline. Her heart was beating frantically like a rabbits'. She carefully made her way down to where the tunnel cut into a sort metal air duct. After a few feet, she came to a grill overlooking a purplish room. She carefully lifted the grill, making sure to be quiet. Taking a shaky breath, she poked her head through, looking down into the room.

The room was mostly shades of purple and red with odd wires and tubes running from ceiling to floor. Mai glanced at the many control boards and immediately wanted to examine them. She dropped down and landed in a crouched position. She straightened herself and dusted off her outfit. Feeling something was off, she stopped and turned around.

A few feet from her was a small robot holding a soda. They stared at each other, unmoving. The robot slowly took a sip of soda… then belched. Mai blinked and dropped her guard.

"Zim-kun's house is Wonderlaaaaand." She whispered.

The robot threw the soda can and squealing, launched itself at Mai. It tackled her to the ground.

"BUNNY!"

"Hello."

"BUNNY!"

"Yes. Usagi, bunny rabbit. That's me."

"I loves youu…."

Mai sat up and examined the robot. Again, she didn't recognize anything about it. The technology in the one robot alone could revolutionize the robotics industry! But she wasn't interested it scrapping the little guy.

"What are you called?" she asked.

"GIR!"

"Advanced. Hm. Ok, now I believe… definitely alien."

The robot jumped back, eyes glowing red. "Mission endangered! Enemy must be eliminated!"

"Uhhh I have cookie?"

The robot's eyes turned to their original blue color. "Yeah! GIMME!"

Mai pulled a chocolate-chip cookie from her outfit. "Must do favor first."

"GIMME COOKIE!"

She pulled out the disc as well. "Can you put into computer? Load file?"

Gir grinned, tongue sticking out, and grabbed the disc. "Mmmm hmmmm."

He ran over to one of the control panels and whacked away at the buttons. A tray opened and Gir inserted the disc.

A robotic voice overhead chimed in. "Are you sure about this? I don't think-"

"Doooooooo IT!" screeched Gir, jumping up and down.

The computer began to read the disc then started emitting a series of shrill beeps and clicks. It grew louder and louder to the point where it threatened to burst eardrums. Then it was silent. Sparks shot out of the main panel and the metallic wires overheard began to squirm to life! Gir cheered and began to dance.

"GIR!" yelled Zim as he descending on the purple tube elevator, "What's going on here? And _where_ is the paste for my _bathing_!"

"I ATED IT!"

An angry Zim stormed into the lab. "I thought I told you-"he stopped, Irken eyes wide. "WHATS _THIS_? A giant _rodent_ has infiltrated my BASE!"

"Not just aaany rodent…. A BUNNY! WITH COOKIES!" Gir screamed, taking the treat from Mai's hand . He happily took a bite, closing his eyes.

"_Why_ hasn't security been alerted? Computer! Destroy the hideous_ rat_-thing!"

"IT'S A BUNNY! Flop ears so cuuuuute…"

"Fine! DESTROY THE BUNNY!"

The made a static sigh then replied in a high pitched and somewhat girly voice, "Ehhhh I don't really feel like it."

"WHAT? You DARE disobey ZIM?"

"Yeaaaaah, kinda."

Zim growled. "Gir! What happened to the computer?"

Gir appeared to be thinking. "Uhhhhh… it got _sick_!"

"How, Gir!" he demanded, "Tell meeee."

"I fed it for Floppyyy!"

"WHAAAT? WHY!"

Gir smiled blissfully. "She gave me cookie."

"But! Gah! Why do I even bother…" Zim smacked himself and glared at the intruder, "I'll destroy you MYSELF, _stink_-bunny!"

Four mechanical legs shot out of Zim's PAK and he quickly closed in on Mai. She didn't move. She was completely awestruck by him.

_Those eyes! It's like Dib's pictures! He's really a-_

"Prepare to meet your DOOM!"

One of the metal legs lashed out at her, with the intent to kill. Mai snapped out of her stupor at the last moment, jumping out of the way. She ran past Zim and Gir who was licking the chocolate from his hands. The air duct was too high up so she had no choice but to find another means of escape. She ran towards the lift Zim had used, hoping it would take her to an exit.

"Not so fast!" Zim sneered, darting in front of her, blocking her path. "You can't outrun an Irken _invader_!"

Mai bit her lip and pulled another cookie from her Kigurumi. Zim blinked, looking slightly confused. "Eh? This is a time for DOOM, not snacks!"

He shook his head, smirking. "Pathetic, earth-rodent, it seems your attempts to escape THE ALMIGHTY ZIIIIM are futile. Admit _defeeeeat_ and I'll consider destroying you quickly. What do you say?"

With an incredibly calm look, which was lost due to her bunny hood, she swiftly threw the cookie at Zim. It hit him in the face, causing him to yelp and momentarily loose his composure. He leered and bared his teeth. "Is that the best you GOT? He barked, crushing the cookie in his gloved hand.

"COOKIE!"

Gir squealed and tackled Zim, knocking him out of Mai's way.

"Why did you kill mah cookie?" he cried, "I loved it!" He began screaming and crying hysterically, latching himself onto Zim's head.

"No! Gir! Get off me!" Zim gasped, watching the larger-than-it-should-be white rabbit enter the elevator and wave. "NOO! ITS ESCAPING!"

The purple tube-like elevator led to the first floor. Mai noted, curiously, that the entrance was a waterless toilet. She shrugged then ran to the front door. _The queen is green, the queen is green, ran fast or off with my head. _She opened the door to see that the gnomes were still at war with her army of bouncy balls. It was dangerous but she had no choice but to cross the battlefield.

Not two steps out the door, she found herself being thrown backwards. She crashed into the living room wall. Gritting her teeth painfully, she stood. Zim laughed wildly, obstructing the exit.

"PUNY pathetic creature!" he snarled, using his mechanical legs to walk on the ceiling like a spider. Grinning and tasting delicious victory, he advanced on her. "You cannot escape ZIM! _Nothing _comes close to defeating MEE- Oomph!"

He was suddenly hit by one of the robotic ceiling arms. A few more wrapped around him and his spider legs, stopping his movement.

"TREACHERY!" he shrieked.

Mai looked at him as he struggled to break free. Calmly, she turned and left, shutting the door behind her.

"No!"

Gir stepped into the room, wearing his bright green dog suit and carrying a bowl of chocolate covered meatballs. Oblivious to Zim's dilemma, he hopped onto the sofa and clicked on the TV.

"GIR! Get me down this instant!"

Gir looked up at Zim, shaving a handful of meatballs in his mouth. "Aww, but my favorite show's coming on." he whined.

"NOW, GIR! The creature's getting away!" Zim shouted.

"Say pleeeease."

"I will not! Obey me!"

"Say pleeeease." Gir repeated playfully.

Zim sighed, realizing he was only wasting time arguing. "Fine! PLEASE! Now hurry up!"

Gir grinned and suddenly a stray laser from one of the lawn gnomes hit the robot arms binding him. Zim fell to the ground and quickly picked himself up before running out the door. Gir popped another meatball in his mouth and turned back to the TV.

Zim ran through his lawn, unharmed and unaware of the chaotic bouncy battle. He stopped in the street and looked around frantically. Scanning every corner for any sign of the rabbit intruder, he gritted his teeth, finding nothing. Zim, shaking with silent fury, raised his fists to the sky and bellowed,

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

A few blocks away, Mai stopped to listen to a loud yell. After it stopped, she shrugged and continued on her way home. Enjoyed with her success, she began singing to herself.

"One, two, three, can't get me. Ichi, ni, san, Zim is fun!"

* * *

AN: Yay, chapter three! Tell me what you think! Is everyone in character? What do you think of Mai, Mary-sue? DX And please review! Also, here are some of the Japanese translations used in this chapter in case you were interested:

Moshi, moshi: common phone greeting

Konbanwa: good evening

Oyasumi-nasai, chichioya: good night, father

Ima: now

Kigurumi: the cutest pair of pajamas _ever_. Look them up!

Usagi: rabbit

Ichi :one

Ni: two

San: three

If you have any questions, please ask. ^^


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head

_An alien! A real live alien! A living breathing walking talking piece of extra-terrestrial life just bopping around right under everyone's noses! And in my own class no less! What luck! It can't be a coincidence! It's crazy. It's amazing! It's going to be so much FUN!_

Mai was in an extraordinarily jovial mood the next day. She walked down the street, smiling broadly, barely containing her excitement about interacting with _the alien_. She arrived at Skool extra early, hoping to talk to Zim alone. Of course, she wouldn't let on that she knew his secret-given the previous night's events; she doubted that he'd respond nicely.

Most people would be horrified that they were living in the same neighborhood as an alien. What's more is that they would be absolutely terrified that said alien tried to DESTROY THEM, but Mai really wasn't concerned with her own destruction. She knew that last night had been a close call- Zim alone was hard to compete with. Had her virus not worked, she would be laying on a dissection table or something of that nature. But it _had_ worked, and she _had_ gotten out of there safely. She hadn't left anything that could be traced back to her, not even a fingerprint.

As soon as she entered the classroom, her smile dropped. Zim was no where to be seen. Only one boy, or rather, an old man, was in a desk. He looked at her and waved, "Hi there!"

Mai smiled awkwardly and slowly started to back out of the doorway. She stopped as she bumped into someone.

"Gomen-nasai!" she said quickly, turning around.

"Mai!" Dib exclaimed, "Did you create the virus?"

"Hai, very effective. Keep busy for while."

"Great!" Dib grinned, "We can go after skool."

She shook her head. "Already go. Mission complete!"

"_What?_" he exclaimed, "You went to Zim's house, _alone_?"

She shushed him, looking around suspiciously.

"We were supposed to go together. Do you know how dangerous he is! You could've been hurt! Or worse! Are you-"

"DIB-KUN!"

He blinked, surprised that she yelled. She took a breath and continued, "I saw. Now, I believe you, Dib-kun."

Dib couldn't believe it at first. Had she _really_ just said that? Those three words he had wanted to hear for practically his whole life? I. Believe. You. "Y-you do?"

She nodded.

He looked ecstatic. "YES!"

Dib punched the air triumphantly and suddenly wrapped his arms around Mai in a bear hug. After a moment, he realized what he had done and quickly released her, a slight pink spreading across his face. Mai didn't seem to think anything about it but Dib, on the other hand, felt very awkward. He didn't have much positive interaction with people, especially girls, and wasn't quite sure what actions were appropriate.

She looked around, fidgeting, as students began filing into class. Tugging on Dib's coat, she pulled him from his embarrassment. "Time to go."

He nodded, "Yeah. Right."

They took their seats in class and Dib wished they sat closer. Having an actual friend was a new experience for him and was a bit excited, especially since she was the only one to believe him about Zim. _Maybe she would believe me about the Yeti Conference two years ago…_

Mai was becoming increasingly anxious, waiting for Zim to arrive. It had been five minutes since class had started and he wasn't there yet. _Is he coming? Is he sick? Is he skinning to do alien things?_ A dark shadow fell on Mai, sending a shiver up her spine. Slowly, she looked up to see her teacher looming over her.

"Your nervous foot tapping is disrupting class!" Ms. Bitters snarled. "One more disturbance and you'll find yourself in-"

BOOM.

The door banged open. A very frazzled and livid looking Zim stood in the doorway. He looked like he went through a blender… and survived. Mai was surprised at the fury behind his contacts. The Bitter One swooped upon him.

"Zim!" she rasped, "You're late!"

Aside from his disheveled appearance and aura of complete hatred, he was able to compose himself. "I apologize, I _am_ late. On my way to skool, I was_ viciously_ attacked by a moose."

"A _moose_?"

He looked at her seriously. "Yes."

"TAKE YOUR SEAT!"

Zim complied. He had had one of the _worst_ possible nights! Not only did an intruder intrude in his base and sabotage all of his equipment but they escaped too! He had to _literally_ fight his own base and try to undo the damage it inflicted. It had taken all night to shut off his super computer and then he had the problem of fixing it. Zim was as exhausted as an Irken could be, and _very_ VERY angry. He would have just stayed home instead of facing skool but Gir was in a more annoying than usual mood and he just couldn't put up with it_. _Not that being among theses filth-monkeys was any better.

Mai found it hard to concentrate. Almost impossible. Before he had been weird and somewhat mysterious but now… NOW, he was weird and _definitely_ mysterious! She had to find out more about him and his alien ways. SHE HAD TO! RIGHT NOW!

_It's a wig. An outdated wig. A messy outdated wig. A wig that's hiding antennas. A wig that's right in front of me! A WIG THAT'S ASKING ME TO RIP IT OFF!_

The bell rang and Zim rushed out of the class before Mai could attack his head. _Curse you bell… Curse you…_

"Mai, are you okay?"

She looked up at Dib and blinked. "Hm?"

He waved a hand in front of her face. "You've been staring at Zim the whole class. I mean I was too but you looked really upset. Is something wrong?"

She followed him out of the room. "Iie… iie. Nothing wrong."

He nodded but still looked concerned.

Lunch was normal, Mai sat with the Membranes. Zim sat at his table, alone. Dib talked about plans to expose Zim. Gaz played her GameSlave. The food was alive. And Mai was just starting to zone out.

"…and then when he opens the door, it'll fall on him….river of tears but even that'll hurt! And then… put it in a box… but it'll be a decoy… Sweet taste of victory! What do you think, Mai? …Mai?"

"I feel sick." She said standing and left the cafeteria, leaving Dib somewhat confused.

_Baka. You let your emotions override your plan. You could've let Zim know you know… not to mention everyone else. Its no fun if everyone knows his secret… Just me… me and Dib. _

Mai went into the girl's bathroom to get away from everything. She had to clear her head. Meeting an alien was something she had to get over and quick if she wanted anything to come from it. It was like meeting a celebrity or a wild animal, one wrong move and you're done for-game over. No second chances.

She sighed, hearing the end-of-lunch bell. Following the sound of screaming children, she went outside into the recess yard. Students were playing jump rope and ball involved games and drawing on the ground- none of which appealed to her. She sat on a swing, not swinging and dragged her shoes in the dirt.

Looking around, she saw Gaz, playing her game, sitting off to the side of the yard with Dib talking to her enthusiastically. Not feeling like joining in the conversation, she stayed where she was. She spent the rest of the recess staring at- _observing_- Zim. He didn't do very much, just stood around hating the world and sometimes yelling out, "I AM ZIM!"

For a day that she had so much anticipated, she was relieved when the skool day ended and the final bell released her from its deadly grasp. "Mai, can I talk to you?"

She faced Dib who looked very nervous. "Hai."

"Look, if my plan seemed too… cruel and unusual, just hear me out. I mean he's trying to destroy the world, stopping him is our main goal, right? The means justify the ends…in the end."

She blinked in confusion. "What is Dib-kun talking about?"

He seemed just as confused as her. "Are you upset with me?"

"No? Why you think… oooh. I tell you. I get sick."

"That… wasn't an excuse to get away from me?"

"Why would I want get away?"

Dib smiled sheepishly. "Never mind, do you want to come over and plot Zim's doom with me?"

Thunder rumbled overhead as they walked towards the Skool's main doors. "Eh… maybe other day. Things to do?"

He seemed a bit discouraged but tried to shrug it off. "Oh… ok. Tomorrow then."

He said goodbye and ran ahead. As Mai followed his steps to the door, she heard a pained scream. Stepping outside, she saw Zim rubbing his face and glaring at the sky.

"Curse you, weather-human! You_ lied_ to ZIM!"

He continued to glare as raindrops started to splat the pavement. He yelped and tried dodging a few but ended up caught as the rain increased. Screaming as the rain burnt his skin, he retreated to the safety of the skool overhang. Zim, panting, caught his breath but then realized he wasn't alone.

"What are you staring at, filth creature?"

"You alright?" Mai asked, looking extremely troubled. _The rain hurts him? Would he melt out there?_

"Of course, Zim is alright! Zim is NORMAL! Zim doesn't mind getting wet!"

Mai sat down beside him and he quickly stood up, not wanting to be that close to her. "You DARE sit by ZIM? You have no authorization! Away with you, stink thing!"

"Nyaah. I can't."Mai sighed.

"Eh? WHY NOT?"

"I don't like get wet…"

Zim seemed confused. "Don't humans _enjoy_ frolicking in the rain of misery?"

She adjusted her cat ears. "Not me."

He thought this over. "Then it is _normal_ for some humans to DETEST the sky water?"

Mai looked at him, curiously. "Hai. Everyone different."

They didn't talk anymore to each other as the rain continued to downpour.

Mai began singing suddenly. "Rain, rain go away. Come again another day."

Zim narrowed his eyes at her. "This chant of yours… is it effective in dispelling the rain evils?"

"Sometime take awhile."

He raised a non-existent eyebrow. "Then chant again! Do it _noooow_. Obey Zim!"

"It… work better with more than one." She lied, smiling brightly.

Zim was thoughtful for a moment. "_Fine_ then…" he cleared his throat. "RAIN! _Raaaain_… uhh _be gone_ from Zim's sight immediately _or face the wrath of Ziiiim_. NEVER COME BACK!"

Mai stared at him as he glared at the sky, daring it to disobey him. To her surprise, but not Zim's for he knew how amazingly amazing he was, the rain stopped and the sun darted out. Zim punched the air. "Victory for Zim!"

"Wow… eh good job, Zim-kun."

He scoffed. "Zim's words are far more powerful than your _pitiful _human vocals! Useless, stink-beast."

Not quite catching the meaning of his insult, she nodded. "Uh right, I guess we go home."

"Wait…" Zim said apprehensively.

Her stomach tightened as he stepped closer to her. "Yes, Zim-kun?"

Zim stared at her for a long moment.

Then he swiftly pushed her off the stairs, into a puddle. She whined as his boots walked over her frame as if she were a bridge. Whistling calmly, Zim walked away from her and the skool as if nothing happened. Mai stood and looked down at her muddy, wet self and twitched.

"Shimetta…" she cried.

* * *

AN: Thank you all for the reviews- they're keeping this story alive! In case you wanted a picture of Mai, here she is:

http:/lvowl . deviantart . com/art/Mai-the-love-pig-181567084

Must remove the two spaces. Bit fuzzy but you get the picture... get the picture? GET IT?

Japanese:

_Iie: No_

_Shimetta: wet_

Don't _think_ I missed any…. Tell me if I did. Hope you liked it!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five: The Beautiful Plan of DOOM

"I MADE WAFFLES!"

"Not now, Gir!" Zim said, putting on his ingenious human disguise.

"But I mades them with loooove. THEY LOVES YOU!"

Zim rolled his eyes at his insane robot minion. "I do not have time for your love obsessed waffles! I have a filthy planet to destroy."

Zim started towards the door but was tackled from behind. "DON'T LEAVE US! Keep us in your tummy of love!" Gir pleaded, obviously possessed by the waffles.

"Get them off me!" Zim ordered, peeling a waffle from his head. "Ah! What is this _sticky _substance?"

"Syruuuup! I made it myself," Gir said proudly.

Zim growled. "Gah! It won't come off! Quickly! Bring me _soap_!"

Gir sped off and returned with a bar of soap. Zim eyed it suspiciously.

"Gir… is there _bacon_ in the soap?"

"Noo…"

Zim stared hard at him.

"OKAY, YES!"

"I _told_ you to stop making the disgusting bacon soap!" he reprimanded.

"Aww, but it tasted so gooood… I'll go make some more!" Gir grinned as he ran into the kitchen.

Zim slapped his forehead and struggled to free his hand from the gooey syrup on his head. "Curse this syrup!" He gasped, "Skool! I can't be late again!"

He slammed the door shut behind him and after liberating his glove from the knob, ran to the skool building. Fortunately, he made it on time (because he is ZIM!), only having been slowed down by a rabid mail person. He breathed a sigh of relief and took his seat. There was a tap on his shoulder.

Zim's eyes narrowed as he turned to the foreign stink creature.

"What is it, filth-child?" he demanded.

"There is parcel stuck to your head," she stated.

"Hm?" Zim regarded his mighty head and saw that there indeed was a package stuck to it. He quickly ripped it off and chucked it at an unsuspecting student who fell out of their desk with a scream.

Zim glared as Mai continued to look at him. "I have no more head parcels! Stop looking at Zim! I'M NORMAL!"

Mai stared at her desk, "Uh. Do you wish apologize?"

Zim gave her an incredulous look. "MEEE, the powerful ZIM, apologize? HA!"

She smiled. "Thank you. Mai accept."

"Eh? I didn't apologize! Zim apologizes to _no one_! NO ONE!"

Holding up her hands in a calming manner, she said, "Once is okay. I not angry at Zim-kun."

Zim stood on his desk, leering down at her. "Insolent worm! Face the wrath of ZIM!"

Someone threw a paper plane that stuck to Zim's head to which the class laughed in unison. His murderous glare dropped and grumbling, he returned to his seat.

"Class!" Ms. Bitters shrieked as she materialized out of the blackboard. "The Skool has ordered the nurturing of your artistic capabilities. You will break into groups and find a creative yet depressing way to express the fear of your immanent DOOM. Begin now!"

In an instant, Dib was at Mai's side. "Wanna be in the same group?"

Mai nodded.

"Dib-worm! Leave Zim's personal space _immediately_!"

Dib narrowed his eyes. "Believe me, _Zim_, I have no desire to be in your _personal space_." He started to walk away then stopped, "By the way, nice plane."

Zim growled and wretched the paper plane from his head, careful not to remove his wig. _Curse this syrup of doom! _

He sat in the last available seat and glared at the large head and the foreign girl. Since when did DIB have friends anyway? Who would want to be friends with a big-headed crazy dirt-monkey like him? NO ONE! …well except for that foreign stink-animal apparently.

"Why aren't you contributing to the doom project, Zim?" Ms. Bitters asked, standing over him.

"Because… I am full of syrup. I cannot touch things without them sticking to my hands…" he said sadly, looking down at the table in shame.

"That's no excuse! Wash yourself!"

"Sir!" he saluted and went to the sink.

Zim looked over his shoulder as he scrubbed his gloves. The Dib and foreign girl were laughing at something. Something _stupid_ probably.

Hmm. Something was different about that new girl, aside from her foreignness. What was it? She stank just like the other humans- well not _exactly_ like them. She smelled different- in her own _stinky_ human way. She didn't seem to be any more intelligent…not that humans were intelligent to begin with. What was it?

A sudden thought struck him and his eyes widened. _Could she be…?_ He watched her intensely. Tak had slipped in unnoticed and appeared to be human. Another human disguise? No, Tak was never coming back. Zim saw to that personally. _But… could she be another invader here to take my mission?! _Mai laughed as a bottle of glue erupted on her hand. Zim scowled, _No definitely not._

Mai stood and walked towards Zim. He moved out of her path to the sink and glared, though she merely smiled back at him. As she was washing her hands, he continued to stand there, pouting. She casually tossed her hair over her shoulder so it wouldn't get wet as she leaned forward. Zim's eyes widened.

_THAT'S IT! Her hair! It's so… PERFECT! It doesn't even seem human. It's so shiny and tangle-free… Hm, and soft looking…_

Unconsciously, Zim stepped up behind her and began running his hand through her hair, enjoying the feel of the silky strands. Taking it a step further, he grabbed a good chunk and started to rub it on his face. Smiling, he zoned out, imagining himself with long flowing hair. He would be the subject of worship! ALL WOULD BOW BEFORE ZIM!

"Zim! What do you think you're doing?" Dib questioned.

Zim snapped out of his reverie, slightly confused. A few people were staring at him oddly, including the foreign girl.

"Eh…" he retracted his hand, thinking quickly. "Take this, foreign girl!" he yelled, yanking her hair.

The class laughed and Mai ran out of the room, crying. Zim beamed at his victory.

"You'll pay for that, Zim!" Dib threatened.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever." He waved his hand dismissively and returned to his seat.

Once seated, Zim looked down at his hand. In it were a few strands of hair, _her _hair. He closed his fist, grinning. Ignoring the classroom protocol of not openly expressing any form of joy, he began laughing loudly, maniacally, a plot of EVIL formulating in his mind.

* * *

"What's this do?"

"Don't touch that, Gir!"

"Awww but I wants it. Its preeetty."

Zim restrained himself. "That's a DNA Manipulation Device," he explained, pointing to a small purple instrument. It looked like a human laptop only rounded and containing many tiny blinking lights instead of keys.

"Whaddya need that for?" Gir asked, leaning closer to the device.

Zim eyed the robot suspiciously and moved the device out of his reach before replying. "See this hair?" he asked, holding up the strands. "It looks _peeeerfect_ but I'm sure there's _something_ wrong with it. There has to be."

He put the hair into the DNA Manipulation Device and shut it. It started to make loud whistling noises. "It's extracting the DNA from the hair. With this I'll be able to replicate it and even alter it so that it could be adapted to non-human life forms."

"Uhhhh… WHAT!"

"The hair, Gir. I'm making more hair," Zim said impatiently.

Gir started dancing. "So much cheeeese! So many kindssss. I LOVE THEM ALL!"

Zim rolled his eyes. "Transfer all data to the super computer," he ordered.

The main screen lit up displaying the rotating DNA strings. "Huh… so she_ is_ human. Computer, initiate DNA splicing sequence- combine with Irken DNA and prepare for administration."

The Computer let out a long sigh. "I hate to ask… but for what purpose?" the Computer inquired in a bored tone.

Zim scoffed. "To be grown on my HEAD! Once I acquire that hair… my reign of this fffffilthy world will come _oh_ so quickly. _None can resist the hair!_"

The Computer sighed again. "If you say so…" A mechanical arm holding a small spray bottle hovered over Zim, ready to administer the hair serum.

"BRING ON THE HAAAAAAIR!"

He braced himself for the administration, shaking with anticipation.

_Fffft._

A gentle mist settled on Zim's head. Cautiously, he cracked an eye open and patted the top of his head gingerly. "Nothing happened!" he complained.

"Just give it some time… you're so impatient," the Computer mumbled.

"I don't have time to waste!" Zim shouted as he jumped up and snatched away the spray bottle. He began spraying his head vehemently.

"That's probably a bad idea," the Computer warned. "But don't listen to me. What do I know?"

Zim popped the nozzle off the bottle and dumped its contents onto his head, grinning excitedly. He waited eagerly.

Suddenly, hair sprouted all over his cranium. It was dark and spiky, longer than his wig had been but not enough to hide his antennas. "Hm? Oooh," he marveled, gently touching his hair.

"SUCCESS!"

"You're so purdyy," Gir cooed. "Lemme pet chu!"

Gir leapt onto Zim's head, inspecting every inch of it. "I want some!"

Zim swatted him off, trying to protect his gorgeous hair from his crazed robot minion. "Too bad. You need SKIN, Gir, and you don't have any."

"WAAAAAHHHH! AHHHHHHAHA! WAAAAAAAHHH!" Gir began screaming at the top of his metaphorical lungs, hitting his fists on the floor, throwing a proper tantrum. "BUT I WANTS IT! I WANTS IT!"

Zim crossed his arms. "Don't feel_ too_ bad, Gir. Not EVERYONE can be as beautiful as Ziiiim."

Out of nowhere, Zim's hair sprouted out another foot. Curious, he lifted a lock that rested above his shoulder and examined it. His eyes widened.

"IT'S GENIUS!"

He took a victorious stance and beamed. "The more hair… the more worshiping of Zim!" he paused as his hair grew again. "In no time, this disgusting planet will bow before MEEEEEE!"

Gir started running in circles, screaming, "CHEDDAR!"

His hair grew some more and Zim began to laugh manically. "BLAAAHAHAHA! BLAAAAA- _GAG! HACK!_" Zim stopped as he started having a coughing fit. "Yeah. Uh… HAHAHAHAHAAAA!"

* * *

"Zim's up to something! I can FEEL it!"

Dib shook with silent frustration. Mai tilted her head, staring at his hysterics curiously. "What should us do to stop him?"

He paused. "Well… we find out his EVIL plan first. THEN WE STOP HIM!"

Mai furrowed her brows. "That easy?"

"We'll come up with a plan _after_ we find out his EVIL scheme… it just works that way. Trust me, I've been saving the world for awhile," he said proudly.

Just then, the classroom door opened. Zim stood in the doorway, smiling coolly, long dark hair flowing down his back, just touching the floor. He casually tossed his hair over his shoulder as he had seen Mai do and took his seat. By then the entire class stopped to stare at him; he grinned. "What a beautiful day to be beautiful," he said airily. "Wouldn't you agree, stink-pigs that aren't as beautiful as Zim?"

Zim smiled haughtily.

"_That's_ your big plan?!" Dib questioned disbelievingly. "Hair? Oh, you've _got_ to be kidding me! You looked weird before but now! No one's going to believe your hair grew three feet in a _day_! Give it up, Zim!"

"Oh, wow, Zim!" said a purple-haired girl. "I always thought you were a freak but now that your hair's so beautiful, it doesn't matter!"

"Yeah, Zim! I wish I had hair like yours," said a big-eyed boy.

"Yes, yes. You may worship Zim," he said calmly. "Just keep your dirty hands off me!"

Dib smacked his forehead. "Of course…" he turned to Mai. "You think this is strange…right?"

She patted his arm. "No worry. It is."

Zim's hair grew another foot, gaining a bunch of 'oohs' from his classmates. Dib's jaw dropped. "How can you NOT see how weird this is?!" he shouted at them, jumping onto a desk. "LOOK AT HIM! He's so… ALIEN!"

Zim scoffed. "You're just jealous, Dib-monkey! Zim is_ normal_. Normal and _beautifuuuul_."

Dib glared. "You won't get away with whatever hairy scheme of evil that you're planning, Zim!"

"Shut up, Dib!" yelled a boy. "You're such a crazy jealous uuuuuuh crazy person!"

"Yeah! Leave Zim alone! Or we'll send you to the asylum again!"

Defeated, Dib got off the desk and watched the group from a distance.

Mai looked at him. "Asylum?"

"Don't ask…"


End file.
